Packing is one of those tasks that I forget how much I hate until I find myself doing it again. The one exception to this is the kitchen, since, from move to move, I remember quite vividly how much I despise packing box after box of breakable shit. You don’t realize what a genuinely retarded number of beer glasses you have until you have to wrap each one in newspaper before nestling it in a bed of styrofoam peanuts that you can only hope will keep it in one piece as it travels 400 miles in the back of a 30 foot monster U-Haul truck.
Despite my hatred, I volunteered to do the kitchen this time around in an inadequate attempt to balance out the fact that Ty had about ten times more belongings to pack than I did. And, while it did suck, there were a few saving graces:
- I packed everything with old issues of The Onion. Random howls were unleashed at irregular, often frequent intervals.
- The kitchen was air-conditioned.
- Just kidding!
- It allowed me to avoid packing little painted miniatures.
- I unearthed some fun shit in there. Such as:
Exhibit A: the Chinese Take-Out Condiment Bag, which we have been adding to for the past four years
Exhibit B: The Rapcat Paper Bag Kitten Jersey, which was at the center of one of my favorite controversies of 2007
What controversy you say?
Next up… Part II: Getting Here, or, Breaking and Entering
The Dobler Effect 
No mention of the swirl of Buseys in the background?
Fret not, fair Jacob. I have all the appropriate respect for and fear of the swirling Buseys. They just can’t qualify as something I “unearthed” during packing since they had been prominently displayed on our refrigerator for the last two or three years … right next to the swirling MacGuyver heads.
Oh Jess — How I miss you so!
Aw. Likewise, la bella mia.
Holy shit rap cat. Not sure if I should thank you for relighting those memory neurons.
Bad memories of trying to mash your feline into a paper bag jersey, hmm?
If cats don’t like getting stuffed in paper bags, I’m Miles Davis.
I need to know: did you bring the Chinese takeout condiments with you? I hope so. It can be a tradition you pass down to your children and your children’s children or to a roadside trashcan. Whichever you prefer.
Alas, we did not. Somewhere in Maryland a dumpster diver was recently gifted with more soy sauce than the body can safely process in a sitting.