Epic Retardation

This is the phrase that sprung to mind when I was watching Twilight, the feature of last night’s Bad Movie Tuesday festivities. I’m not sure if the phrase came to me in relation to the characters, the writer, or the people who choose to watch the film multiple times, but there it was.

I honestly didn’t think it would be as bad as it was. I figured the plot would be ridiculous, but at least make some sort of sense if you could get past the idea of a cuddly vampire family who likes to play baseball and only eats animals and risks their lives to save a very uncharismatic human girl who apparently is the aromatic equivalent of a grilled sirloin.

But, oh, the inconsistencies. And, oh, the utter lack of chemistry between the two leads. And, oh, the borderline Tourette’s level twitching that is Kristen Stewart’s acting.

And, oh, the John Tesh-ian piano scene. Oh, oh, oh!

(An aside: We watched it with an overdub done by the dudes who used to voice Tom Servo and Crow on MST3K. It was as funny as the film was horrible.)

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4 responses to “Epic Retardation

  1. I just watched that clip.

    You never have access to emergency eye wash stations when you truly need them.

  2. Fuck, right?
    That scene ACTUALLY EXISTS IN THE MOVIE. Right after the two of them have a painfully inept conversation about Debussy. I kind of lost my shit.

  3. You know how I know you’re gay…?

  4. Aha…
    Have you seen the overdub?

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