So, back when us common folk were just starting to use the interwebs for interpersonal communication, these things called emoticons were invented.
Horrible things. Things I mocked, scorned, and generally distrusted.
Then, a couple years back, I started using them.
It started with the winky face. That coy little semicolon peeking over a parenthetic grin that promised to convey my sarcasm when I was being too fucking lazy to write it properly.
Then came the smiley face. I’ve always had a thing against exclamation points, but without them, IM conversations just didn’t seem … I don’t know. Happy enough. So, in lieu of an evil that was at least a legitimate form of punctuation, I started putting all these little grinning assholes everywhere.
(It does not make them cool that the Comedian wears one in The Watchmen. Nothing can make them cool. They are the antithesis of cool. Besides, he wears it, like, ironically. I’ve yet to see someone effectively use an emoticon ironically. They are the antithesis of irony. And of cool. Did I mention that?)
Anyway, it’s gotten worse. Much worse. I have started slipping the sad face into certain IM conversations with certain people. (You know who you are, and I apologize.)
I’ve moved from a casual user to a fucking addict. And it needs to stop.
So, I’m quitting. Cold turkey.
Feel free to admire my bravery and loudly applaud my decision. And if you get an email from me in which I kind of sound like I’m being an asshole, remember, I’m working without Ol’ Winky for the first time in awhile, and I’m probably just failing at being funny.