Mike wants horrible shoes.

This is my friend Mike:

white suit, bitches.

Mike has requested that I post an entry about shoes. Pixie shoes.

I know what you’re thinking:

tights!

But it’s more along the lines of this:

Free eyeball slicer included!

He says he really wants these shoes, and he wants me to post about them because of their perceived awesomeness, but I suspect it has more to do with making the spider entry go away, or at least move farther down the page.

Particularly because he said, “I really just want the spider to go away.”

Manties

“Once you try a pair, you will wonder why you never tried them before.”

Indeed.

howl with the wolves

buy one for each day of the week.

The product is awesome. But the Amazon customer reviews are better.

***Updates***

Apparently this Three Wolf Moon T-shirt (and the snarky reviews that accompany its Amazon listing) is quite the internet phenomenon right now. Read all about it in the New York Times. Cause when they’re not writing about compulsive huggers, they’re writing about T-shirts.

things that make me confused, #50

J.Crew sells “summerweight” shorts. As opposed to those shorts designed for winters endured in harsh climates.

your pants might not be pants if…

Dear AU Undergraduates,

There are pants and there are leggings. I understand that you might be receiving mixed messages about the interchangeability of these clothing items, and so I wanted to let you all know that they are not the same thing.

‘But how will I know if what I am wearing on my bottom half is a pair of pants or glorified hosiery masquerading as pants?’ you ask. Don’t worry. I’m here to help. Below is a list of things that might indicate that your pants are not really pants.

1. Your “pants” have a crotch gusset.
2. Your “pants” easily stretch to three times their actual size.
3. You can poke a hole through your “pants” with your fingernail.
4. Said hole, once poked, causes a run.
5. In certain unflattering lights, your cellulite is visible through your “pants.”
6. Your underwear is visible through your “pants.”
7. Your lack of underwear is visible through your “pants.”
8. You saw your “pants” being worn as pants by a model in an American Apparel ad.
9. You bought your “pants” at American Apparel.
10. When wearing your “pants,” strangers shout at you phrases such as, “Hey, you, put on some pants!”

This list is by no means exhaustive, but I hope it helps you as you navigate the minefield that is dressing yourself without your mothers and/or older, judgmental siblings casting editorial glances in your direction.

Sincerely,

A Concerned Campus Citizen

Quien es Katy Perry?

This was a surprisingly burning question for me this afternoon.

I first became aware of Ms. Perry’s existence when, scrolling through a worst dressed of 2008 list, I saw a picture of her wearing a Wonder-Woman-meets-40s-pin-up underwear ensemble on the red carpet. My goodness, I thought. Then I posted her picture on my blog with some comment about underoos. (See “Train Wrecks of 2008″.) And thought little else about it.

But that crazy bitch has been showing up everywhere these past couple weeks! (Or, now that I know who she is, I have finally started to notice.) So today, in the usual 3 pm effort to avoid work, I did some research.

And I learned many things.

First, I learned that Katy Perry is famous for one decent song and many other bad ones, one of which probably inspired this rather forceful PSA featuring Hilary Duff. But she is most famous for a song about kissing a girl and liking it, which I thought was done, like, 15 years ago by someone who, like, actually kisses girls.

Second, I learned that Katy Perry wears underwear as outerwear to all sorts of events that don’t involved the red carpet. Like mini-golf and fake weddings. It’s kind of her deal. Like Diane Keaton and menswear. Or Jackie O. and pillbox hats. Katy Perry and no pants.

Third, she plays with her hair.

Fourth, a lot of people mistake her for Zooey Deschanel. I don’t see it… Wait. Maybe I do.

That last one almost felt like the point where the internet both begins and ends. It’s all too much, really.

Train Wrecks of 2008!

Some of my guiltiest of guilty pleasures are the best/worst dressed celebrity lists that come out at the end of each year.

There are three reasons why:
1. I am a sucker for FASHIONNNNN!
2. I am a sucker for lists.
3. I am a sucker for anything that makes famous people look silly.

I’m sure the latter is rooted in a deep-seeded inferiority complex of some sort. But I double dog dare you not to feel a bit of the old schadenfreude as you enjoy the Undressed! Worst of 2008.

Some favorites:

Red carpet underoos!

Keith, this one is for you…

And, lest you planned to actually sleep tonight…

“Ohhhhh, BuuuuuHsterrrrrrr!”
(Wobble.)
(Crash.)

makeover time!

“What?!” says Palin. “I don’t get to keep them?”

A fashion statement

I guess the folks at CNN were hoping they could make fun of themselves before anyone else did.

T-shirts!

Apparently (and surprisingly!), they don’t read my blog.