quitting time, pt. 2

Next on the chopping block, Bravo reality tv.

First Project Runway went to hell in a handbasket, and now this travesty of a Top Chef finale.

I guess I always knew these shows were just as schlocky as all the other reality tv stuff I pretend to be too good for, but for a while they at least maintained a veneer of authenticity. Last night was just lame, though. And sad. A truly lovely personality succumbed to a fatal flaw. A consistently formidable competitor’s dominant past performances were deemed irrelevant. And, as a result, the chef who just barely won was not the best (or second best) chef in the finale.

(He also happens, despite all his assertions that he’s “a nice guy,” to be a genuine prick. That’s really secondary, but it doesn’t make it sit any better.)

I’ve decided that, if dumb tv makes me sad instead of happy, it really isn’t worth watching. So I’m done.

(sigh)

It’s the big night!

To get y’all in the mood for the Top Chef finale tonight, here’s my favorite Carla quote from a Q&A she did today for Washington Post’s online edition:

Q: If Tom, Padma, and Gail were foods, what type of foods would they be, which one would you eat, and why?

Carla Hall: Good question! Tom would be a lamb chop because of the strong flavor, some people like it, some people don’t, those who like it really love it and it can be rustic or elegant. Gail would be an apple pie. A food memory that you just smile at, and it’s classic. Padma would be a beautiful French dessert that sits in the window at a patisserie. It’s beautiful but you know the chef took care in preparing it, both beautiful and tasty. I would say Toby would be ugly fruit because it looks ugly but it’s really delicious, so what you see is not necessarily what you get.

(Goooo, Carla!)

Signs of Approaching Apocalypse

On the discussion board for my grad lit seminar, one of my classmates followed a particularly double-(triple?)-entendrified Derrida quote by writing “LOL, Derrida” in parenthesis.

The best part is that I think she was being sarcastic.

It’s not really the “high road” when…

Ok, so a handful of republican-run states are declaring they don’t need the government’s stinking stimulus money, all in the name of the “return to fiscal conservative values” that’s suddenly so vogue among the mountain-climbers of the Grand Ole Party.

Among these states: Idaho, Louisiana, South Carolina, Texas, and …Alaska.

Yes, Alaska. The same state that, for the past five years, received 18 times more in federal earmarks than the national average. That ranked first in federal spending per capita in 18 of the 25 years between 1981 and 2005, and received $1.84 from the federal government for every $1 it spent on federal taxes in 2005.

I guess it’s easy to say no to a federal stimulus package when you’ve already been benefiting from your own personal federal stimulus for the past two and a half decades.

(In fact, the only one of the five states “threatening” not to accept the stimulus that isn’t a beneficiary state is Texas, for which the money received/taxes spent columns come out close to even. So, fine, Texas. But the other four? Seriously. Bad, bad political bluff.)

Things that make me happy, #76

When I’m baking and realize I just happen to have all the ingredients to try a recipe that’s way cooler than the one I had originally planned to use.

Cthulhu is rolling in his watery grave…

But nevermind that, ’cause these are the cutest little gods-o-terror that I’ve ever seen!

crass stitch

For those of you who like a little sass in your cross stitch (you know who you are), I invite you to check out spamberly’s etsy shop.

Highlights include:

and my personal favorite:

love hurts!

In honor of Valentine’s Day, here’s a list of my favorite love songs of all time.

They all make me cry. Huzzah!

10. Decemberists – “Red Right Ankle” (Her Majesty)–This one gets the award for most unexpectedly grody love song opening: “This is the story of your red right ankle/and how it came to meet your leg/and how the muscle, bone, and sinews tangled/and how the skin was softly shed.”  It also works the word “ventricles” in there toward the end. Mmmm.

9. Frightened Rabbit – “Poke” (The Midnight Organ Fight)–Don’t let the break-up backdrop fool you. Or the fact that the first verse includes the word “cunt.” This is totally a love song. Really.

8.  Cure – “Plainsong” (Disintegration)

7. The Beatles – “Julia” (The White Album)

6. Magnetic Fields – “The Book of Love” (69 Love Songs)–Stephin Merritt says fuck you to love-with-a-capital-L, but he still loves you, which is really all that matters.

5. Yo La Tengo – “The Whole of the Law” (Painful)

4. Simon and Garfunkel - “Kathy’s Song” (Sounds of Silence)

3. Regina Spektor – “Samson” (Begin to Hope)–It turns the biblical story on its head so sweetly. And the opening line is a sucker punch.

2. Rufus Wainwright – “Hallelujah”–I really love that Samson and Delilah story, I guess. (Yeah, Jeff Buckley’s version is wonderful, but I like this one just a bit better.)

1. Joni Mitchell – “River” (Blue)–In Love, Actually, this is the song playing when Emma Thompson’s character tells her husband that Joni Mitchell taught her how to feel. Feel fucking depressed is more like it, but, yeah. Pretty much.

break out yer tiny violins…

Very, very tiny violins:
“Trying to live on $500k in New York City”

quitting time

So, back when us common folk were just starting to use the interwebs for interpersonal communication, these things called emoticons were invented.

Horrible things. Things I mocked, scorned, and generally distrusted.

Then, a couple years back, I started using them.

It started with the winky face. That coy little semicolon peeking over a parenthetic grin that promised to convey my sarcasm when I was being too fucking lazy to write it properly.

Then came the smiley face. I’ve always had a thing against exclamation points, but without them, IM conversations just didn’t seem … I don’t know. Happy enough. So, in lieu of an evil that was at least a legitimate form of punctuation, I started putting all these little grinning assholes everywhere.

(It does not make them cool that the Comedian wears one in The Watchmen. Nothing can make them cool. They are the antithesis of cool. Besides, he wears it, like, ironically. I’ve yet to see someone effectively use an emoticon ironically. They are the antithesis of irony. And of cool. Did I mention that?)

Anyway, it’s gotten worse. Much worse. I have started slipping the sad face into certain IM conversations with certain people. (You know who you are, and I apologize.)

I’ve moved from a casual user to a fucking addict. And it needs to stop.

So, I’m quitting. Cold turkey.

Feel free to admire my bravery and loudly applaud my decision. And if you get an email from me in which I kind of sound like I’m being an asshole, remember, I’m working without Ol’ Winky for the first time in awhile, and I’m probably just failing at being funny.

Booya!